Gerry Clark: Vote NDP and get Adam Conrod elected!
Crowley: Just so we’re clear, this is thinly veiled racism, right?
Ashley Moran: UFC Rules!
Hudak: Gerry, I think you mean CONSERVATIVE. They are the ones sending people away for things like weed possession…
Crowley: Hey, here’s another idea. Instead of camps, maybe it would just be a lot nicer for everyone if we made “people from Cherrybrook” ride at the back of the bus, if you know what I’m saying?
UPDATEDER: apparently this Adam Conrod guy actually is/was an NDP candidate. So why is he sincerely asking the police to stop bus service to parts of Halifax with large black populations? Not cool, dickweed.
Incontrovertible proof that I have too much time on my hands: a bunch of the comments on the A.V. Club’s recap said that it seemed odd that Walter White didn’t have the needed $500,000 at the end of Sunday’s episode, Crawl Space. So I did some back of the napkin calculations to try and figure out how much money he actually has. Please don’t judge me.
Walter White’s income:
$600,000 from the end of season two.
Whatever the car wash is pulling in, not much.
$15 Million/year, paid out bi-weekly but split 50-50 with Jesse. I think Walt says this is about $250,000 bi-weekly to Skyler, right? The timeline of the show covers about a year from the pilot to Crawl Space, with the nine month mark being roughly the season two finale. So at most, Walter has been working the super lab for just under three months (but probably less because he didn’t take Gus up on his offer until halfway through season 3). So if he makes $250,000 bi-weekly with 6 pay periods in 3 months, that’s $1.5M.
Total income: $2,100,000
Car wash — $800,000
Buying off Ted Beneke — $621,000
Having Saul clean up the Dodge Challenger mess — $52,000
Junior’s PT Cruiser — ?
Repairing the Aztec quickly and on the down low after using it to commit vehicular homicide — ?
Fancy pants champagne — $300
Saul’s legal fees — ?
Saul’s 5% money laundering fee — ?
Walter White’s cancer treatment — ?
Hank’s medical bills and personal trainer — ?
Hank’s gimpmobile (possibly) — ?
Walter Junior’s extravagant breakfasts — jk.
Paying regular bills associated with the White house, Walt’s condo, the Aztec & Skyler’s car — ?
Total expenses: in excess of $1,473,300. For the sake of argument, let’s say that all the unknown expenses total $200,000. That leaves him with $426,700. Plus, his money is spread out. There’s at least $250,000 in the car wash being laundered, plus I’m assuming he has a stack of cash in his condo for his own expenses. In short, there’s no way the crawl space bags have the needed $500,000.
If I had to go just on the term itself, with no hint of meaning, I would have to say that Rosh Hashanah was a girl maybe a year older than me who smoked better weed and went to better parties than I did, but also spent a lot of time in the library.
Wikipedia says she’s actually a Jewish holiday where people worry about going to hell or something?
In 2003 the Arts Council for England paid £2,000 for a real-life test of the theorem [that, with enough time, monkeys randomly mashing a typewriter would eventually type the complete works of Shakespeare] involving six Sulawesi crested macaques, but the trial was abandoned after a month.
The monkeys produced five pages of text, mainly composed of the letter S, but failed to type anything close to a word of English, broke the computer and used the keyboard as a lavatory.
Most people go a little bit OCD with microwaves and have to put everything in for an even amount of time. Not me. I have to use odd numbers. Sometimes, because I am bad at math, I will stand in front of a microwave for a long time like an idiot trying to figure out what the nearest prime number to the recommended cooking time is (usually it’s 59 or 61 seconds).
But seriously food microwaved to prime numbers just tastes better.
Me: yeah exactly… except I’m looking at a map and that’s in England, not Wales. So no. Not at all.
Friend 1: I thought Wales was the South of the British Isles?
Me: well, I guess it’s southerly but it’s also off to the side.
Friend 2: want to hear my trick for remembering where places are?
Friend 1: uh, okay.
Friend 2: you know how Italy is a boot kicking Sicily?
Friend 2: well, the British Isles are a wicked witch. England is her face, Scotland is her evil witch hat and Wales is her disgusting, tumorous nose. And Ireland is the cellphone she spends too much time on that’s giving her the nose cancer.
Friend 1: uh, okay.
Friend 2: normally I just think of it as a potato but I just came up with the cell phone theory and I like it more.
Me: that seems like a lot of work for really remembering some basic stuff.
Friend 2: well you can take it further to help you remember where all the little islands are. Like the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man and all that stuff.
Friend 2: they’re her evil witch dandruff.
Friend 1: how does that help you remember where they are?
Friend 2: they’re off the coast, because dandruff falls out of your hair and it’s kind of gross.
Instead of calling it “knocking one out” or “committing half a genocide” or “mixing up some baby gravy”, can we please start calling it “worshiping the Devil”? I find this to be hilarious. Think of all the possibilities…
Christian woman: honey it’s 7am on Sunday morning, the most logical hour to drag your ass out of bed and sit in a cold pew and listen to an old man talk about forgotten history times and then share wine out of a cup with more gross old people. IDK. You coming?
Husband: no you go ahead I’m just going to lie here and worship the devil for a bit.
Cashier: vaseline and kleenex and a copy of The Sound of Music? You sick devil worshiping freak. That’ll be $24.99.
I don’t know, maybe it’s a bit of a stretch. If we can’t do this, can we start calling it onanism again? That’s also funny.
not sure if you know of it, but the creators of peep show's new show had its pilot here yesterday - 'fresh meat', and if you like peep show you'll love it. don't think i've seen a homegrown comedy this good since black books.
Thanks! I watched this last night based on this recommendation and it’s pretty good. I liked the one guy — I guess he was Scottish? — who ended up with the cock drawn on his face.
I wouldn’t have known about this otherwise. In Canada the only British show on tv is Coronation Street and I would rather kill myself than watch Coronation Street. Seriously.
“Capital punishment is the most premeditated of murders, to which no criminal’s deed, however calculated, can be compared. For there to be an equivalency, the death penalty would have to punish a criminal who had warned his victim of the date on which he would inflict a horrible death on him and who, from that moment onward, had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a monster is not to be encountered in private life.”—Albert Camus, “Reflections on the Guillotine” (via ifeltyourshape)
I was bored last night and decided to look up various companies on the Nova Scotia Joint Stock Registry because I’m awesome like that. I tried the Alberta Registry but because Alberta is a wannabe American state the registry is privatized and you have to go through a company and pay them money for information that is supposed to be freely available to the public. Fascist bullshit.
Anyways, I found out my grandfather had his business incorporated in 1949. I crunched some numbers and realized he would have been 22-years-old. I’m 23 and I have trouble waking up before noon. Poppy didn’t graduate high school whereas I have computers that can do all the work for me and I will never be able to start a business. Jesus Christ I’m pathetic and I want to die kill me.