I just google image searched Prince William and Kate Middleton (because I've lost touch with the world and have no idea what they look like.) Girl's pretty. Put her on yer dolla dolla BILLS Y'ALL. Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol.
Wait, it almost looks like I know some pop culture in this message. Shhh, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
A lot of people in the Commonwealth want to get rid of the queen (like those damn Australians), but the idea of Canada as a republic disgusts me. I hope we never get rid of the monarchy.
Google image search results for "Jesus in a Sombrero"
Image: Christ wearing a Sombrero. Status: Relevant.
Image: Raptor Jesus wearing a sombrero. Status: Relevant, Ultra-LULZY.
Image: Spiderman wearing a sombrero punching Jesus on fire riding a unicycle (not shown). Status: Trying too hard to be Internet. Spider-Man would never punch Jesus, unless it was his foe Chameleon cleverly disguised as Jesus. Also, Jesus is flame retardant so he could never be on fire. It’s in the Bible.
Also: Facebook page for “Jesus Sombrero Rodriguez”. Status: save as “Possible Names For Future Mexican Bastard Child.doc”, really hope that is someone’s real name, probably isn’t.
I have a new method that saves me a great deal of time and generally improves my quality of living
I came up with it at Christmas, but only just implemented it. This is the conversation that lead to my eureka moment:
Kyle: do you want to answer that?
Me: not really. Whenever I answer a phone I end up having to talk to a human.
Kyle laughed at me, but I realized what I said was grounded in the truth. 90% of the time, answering a ringing telephone leads to talking to humans.
So I stopped answering phones. Period. I still have a cell phone, but I mostly use it for texting. Not answering phones cuts out on something like 20% unnecessary human contact from my life. I just checked my phone and I have six (!) missed calls from the last day and a half.
Due to popular demand I have drawn the character that plays Ralph Wiggum in the Simpsons. I love Ralph because he is not afraid to just go for it. I love the episode when he stole his dads gun and shot himself in the arm because he was just fed up with everything. His catchphrase “I am a grape” is probably one of the most memorable ones from The Simpsons. He is quite hard to draw but if you get the eyes right then you will find it easier to do the mouth. But if you get the eyes wrong you’ll basically just get laughed at if you show anyone.
It’s the silly character from the Simpsons, Smivvers. He is always running around any tickling people. He is a very silly character because he doesn’t know what he’s doing any more. He runs into rooms and says really quickly that it’s just Smivvers and then runs out dead quick and people thought it was just the wind talking. I like Smivvers because he is fun and likes to be fun and he is like a baby. He is fun to draw because he has a nice smile and can run fast.
Ever get that weird nervousness when someone's about to take a photo of you and you become aware of the back of your head and then your head starts shaking uncontrollably and ruins the picture yeah me neither.
I was walking home late last night and I was thinking of a poor lost greyhound (who happily is no longer lost) and I was walking down Chebucto Road when I saw an animal scampering in the distance, as animals are wont to do. I thought maybe it was someone’s lost cat-dog hybrid and wanted to get a better look at it.
I got up closer and his eyes glowed at me. “Holy shit,” I thought, “animals eyes don’t glow.” He looked like a dog but he didn’t have skin - or at least it didn’t look like regular animal skin. Scales maybe. Lizard like. He had strange spines growing out of his back, and vampire teeth growing out of his snout. I have never before held such a creature in my sight. He hissed at me with a tongue that was forked like a snake — or the devil.
I knew he must be the Chupacabra.
After staring me down for the most frightful minute I can recall he bolted into the night. I moved to the spot where he had been and saw garbage strewn about the place and a strange green slime that I have never seen before. Also, blood.
I kept an eye out for him as I walked home but saw nothing. He had vanished. I went home and said a Hail Mary because I was very frightened by the creature I had seen.
Should I report this to the authorities? And if so who do I go to? The police? The RCMP? Environment Canada? The Coast? The Chronicle Herald? Peter Duffy? Who?
I was going to bed last night and I cracked open this really cool novel (well I didn’t really crack it open because it was an ebook) called A Corpse In The Koryo by James Church. And then I started reading one of the sequels.
They’re really cool books. They’re about Inspector O who is a cynical detective in the Pyongyang police force. He’s not brainwashed into thinking Dear Leader is the be all and end all of life, and the truth often gets in the way of his murder investigations.
I found out about the books after reading this review of them on Slate.
In terms of popular fiction, these books are a thousand times better than Stieg Larson’s The Girl with The Interesting Mental Problems in the Most Crime Free Country in the World series, and yet everyone seems to know about Lisbeth but not Inspector O.
From the message board I troll (Hello Locals on tumblr!)
[On the return of a lost dog.] Oh this is good news. It could’ve ended a lot worse. Like hit by a car or devoured by raccoons or something. I’m happy it ended with tears of joy instead of festering maggots. The owners must be really pleased. I’m very happy for them. This is awesome.
I count it as a great blessing that I am amused so easily.
I always think about how awful it would be to lose an arm or even a couple of fingers. Horrible disfigurement. But I just realized losing a few small toes would be no big deal. Would need to keep the big toe though. For balance.
and I’m wide awake cause my sleepingness is all messed up. I kind of want to go to the 24-hour convenience store and buy some cigarettes but I wonder if it would be too weird to go to the store this late. I don’t know. We’ll see. I started watching Weeds because I’m wide awake and I know it was around first but it really strikes me as a dumbed down version of Breaking Bad.