April 2011
77 posts
2 tags
Super NSFW Royal Wedding souvenirs
http://gribsby.com/The-Gribsby-Plate
But seriously, very NSFW.
Ever notice how the word bed sort of looks like a...
Royal Wedding Guest Name Game
Tried to reblog this but it isn’t working? Anyways.
There are two formulas to figure out your royal wedding name.
1. Your royal wedding guest name is Lord/Lady Name of a Grandparent + First Pet Name + Hyphen + Word From Name Of School You Have Attended + “of” Street You Grew Up On
2. Lord/Lady Delicious Type Of Cheese + Awesome Movie Creature + A Favorite Movie/Television Character Last...
2 tags
This song is perfect on so many levels. Especially...
Mom, you know I wouldn’t be standing around like a drunken idiot wearing a sombrero and waiting for the bus if you’d just buy me a donkey.
MACK CLOUD: A conversation similar to every... →
mackcloud:
Me: Let’s order Pizza, Mom’s not coming home for dinner.
Dad: OK, but you have to go to the door for it. I haven’t showered or shaved today.
Me: Noooooooo. Please don’t make me talk to them or give them money I can’t do it I can’t.
In my head it’s like every delivery person gets to judge…
I wonder how widespread this phenomenon is?
I hate it. I’d actually pay more...
Equality
Friend: You know what I hate just as much as I hate poor people? The rich.
Me: Fuck, I know. People with less money than me are illiterate savages. People with more are pompous assholes.
Friend: Yup.
Me: And people with the same amount of money as me I hate for different reasons.
I wanted to apply logic to this old Frank Franzetta painting, but I just can’t. It’s so awesome.
meganomalous asked: I just google image searched Prince William and Kate Middleton (because I've lost touch with the world and have no idea what they look like.) Girl's pretty. Put her on yer dolla dolla BILLS Y'ALL. Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol.
Wait, it almost looks like I know some pop culture in this message. Shhh, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
Wait, it almost looks like I know some pop culture in this message. Shhh, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
GPOYW Slowly-becoming-a-hermit edition
dontthinkdontthink said: This makes me want to be your best friend.
Haha, thanks. Normally when people find out what I’m looking up on Google Image Search they say the exact opposite of that.
Just kidding. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE WHAT I’M SEARCHING FOR.
Google image search results for "Jesus in a...
Image: Christ wearing a Sombrero. Status: Relevant.
Image: Raptor Jesus wearing a sombrero. Status: Relevant, Ultra-LULZY.
Image: Spiderman wearing a sombrero punching Jesus on fire riding a unicycle (not shown). Status: Trying too hard to be Internet. Spider-Man would never punch Jesus, unless it was his foe Chameleon cleverly disguised as Jesus. Also, Jesus is flame retardant so he could...
YEESSSS
Not as amazing as it could be but still pretty awesome.
Recent Google image searches: R2-D2 wearing a...
No relevant results! So lame. Would’ve made my day.
1 tag
I have a new method that saves me a great deal of...
I came up with it at Christmas, but only just implemented it. This is the conversation that lead to my eureka moment:
Phone rings
Kyle: do you want to answer that?
Me: not really. Whenever I answer a phone I end up having to talk to a human.
Kyle laughed at me, but I realized what I said was grounded in the truth. 90% of the time, answering a ringing telephone leads to talking to humans.
So I...
Open this in a new tab →
gondola-driver:
worlds-best-boss:
and then go here.
You’re wired in.
LOL Whut
Oh my God, this Facebook page.
http://www.facebook.com/TheSimpsonsArt
Due to popular demand I have drawn the character that plays Ralph Wiggum in the Simpsons. I love Ralph because he is not afraid to just go for it. I love the episode when he stole his dads gun and shot himself in the arm because he was just fed up with everything. His catchphrase “I am a grape” is probably one of the most memorable ones from...
thedmoshow:
listen. I just want to know if christ saw his shadow this morning. I can’t deal with any more cold weather.
Hits closer to home than I’d care to admit.
1 tag
Ever get that weird nervousness when someone's...
1 tag
Last night, I saw the Chupacabra
I was walking home late last night and I was thinking of a poor lost greyhound (who happily is no longer lost) and I was walking down Chebucto Road when I saw an animal scampering in the distance, as animals are wont to do. I thought maybe it was someone’s lost cat-dog hybrid and wanted to get a better look at it. I got up closer and his eyes glowed at me. “Holy shit,” I thought,...
2 tags
Kids climbing up the wall, all sneaky like. Me:...
2/2. Calling it every time. Hahaha.
1 tag
I've been awake for well over 24 hours now.
I was going to bed last night and I cracked open this really cool novel (well I didn’t really crack it open because it was an ebook) called A Corpse In The Koryo by James Church. And then I started reading one of the sequels.
They’re really cool books. They’re about Inspector O who is a cynical detective in the Pyongyang police force. He’s not brainwashed into thinking...
meganomalous said: Sometimes I’m just going about my day and I’m thankful that I have both my thumbs, because if I didn’t….things would be so strange.
Thumbs are really the most important, pretty much. Yeah. Probably.
From the message board I troll (Hello Locals on...
[On the return of a lost dog.] Oh this is good news. It could’ve ended a lot worse. Like hit by a car or devoured by raccoons or something. I’m happy it ended with tears of joy instead of festering maggots. The owners must be really pleased. I’m very happy for them. This is awesome.
I count it as a great blessing that I am amused so easily.
I always think about how awful it would be to lose an arm or even a couple of fingers. Horrible disfigurement. But I just realized losing a few small toes would be no big deal. Would need to keep the big toe though. For balance.
2:30am
and I’m wide awake cause my sleepingness is all messed up. I kind of want to go to the 24-hour convenience store and buy some cigarettes but I wonder if it would be too weird to go to the store this late. I don’t know. We’ll see. I started watching Weeds because I’m wide awake and I know it was around first but it really strikes me as a dumbed down version of Breaking Bad.
1 tag
“Hi, I need to refill this prescription, it’s for my anxiety disorder. It’s working nicely because I wouldn’t have been able to approach you otherwise.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Let me ask you something, you’re kind of like a doctor, right?”
“Uh yeah, kind of.”
“Do you have a drug that makes it so I’m not made to feel...
1 tag
"Peace in our time! No more bloodshed over the...
Gonna print that up as a flyer and slide it underneath all the doors on my floor. Might even get fancy and try to forge the rental company’s letterhead on the top of it.
Denial is the first sign that I don't have a...
If you're a Canadian, you should consider tuning...
It’s happening right now. www.cbc.ca for the broadcast.
1 tag
H. Jon Benjamin kills it.
Coach McGuirk: Well, what did they ask you about?
Brendon: Historical figures.
Coach McGuirk: That’s not important. Like Jimmy Hoffa?
Brendon: No, more like Washington.
Coach McGuirk: Well, just plug in the Area 51 answer. You remember what I told you about Area 51?
Brendon: Yeah, it’s where they store the frozen bodies of the aliens that landed on Earth.
Coach McGuirk: What...
1 tag
My God, I love this show
Coach McGuirk: I got to admit, Brendon, I’m a little disappointed in you. I thought we worked on history.
Brendon: Well, the few answers that you told me were wrong, and most of the other stuff you told me never came up.
Coach McGuirk: All right, what did I tell you again?
Brendon: About the Area 51 stuff and the conspiracy theories.
Coach McGuirk: All that stuff is true, Brendon,...
A conversation at the grownup table, as imagined...
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
Good idea or awesome idea: cutting my own hair at...
Answer: Awesome.
