Any shortening of the word appetizer. "Would you like an appy with that?" I know you’re busy but abbreviating the word appetizer is going to save you zero time and make people hate you.
Drizzle. Disgusting. This word is bad in any context but especially with food. Nothing should make you associate dessert with male impotence. And yet people use it. Honestly, every time I hear that word I think of, like, Woody Allen and aerosol sprays and then I start gagging uncontrollably and want to die.
Foodie. You like food? I think pretty much everyone likes food. Except maybe anorexics. “No, but I like nice food. I’m a good food aficionado.” Leaving out, again, that I’m sure most people like nice food, what you seem to be telling me when you call yourself a foodie is that you’re a bit of a snob but too stupid or apathetic to expand your vocabulary to use better, real words. And there’s no combination worse than ignorance and self-importance, you asshole. I hope you choke.
Locavore. I’ve want to explain my hate for this term but I can’t unclench my fists long enough to type words.
So yeah, this is what I do on Friday nights. Sit alone in a dark room and rage.
By Park Seong Guk[2011-10-27 12:48 ] The kind of gallows humor that satirizes the state of North Korean society is as popular in North Korea as it ever was in other socialist states.
As a source from North Hamkyung Province told The Daily NK on the 26th, “The North Korean currency has fallen off and people prefer foreign currency, so they call US Dollar ‘groom’ and Chinese Yuan ‘bride’, while the North Korean won is the mere ‘bridesmaid’.”
Since the currency redenomination, there have been many cases of fraud or where people run away due to debt, too, meaning that now the term that means ‘to pay later’ (‘hubul’) has become ‘disappearance’ (haengbul), ‘borrowed money’ (‘ggun-don’) as ‘earned money’ (‘beon-don’) and those who are actually repaid the money they are owed are labeled a ‘war hero.’
There’s also a really interesting interview with a North Korean woman here, a propaganda story about how Kim Jong Eun personally killed over 70 Americans during last year’s Cheonan incident can be found here, and there’s a story about North Korean workers stranded in Libya at the Telegraph.
I’m reading the mosy depressing paper ever about how aid money for the Sri Lankan tsunami was used to evict subsistence fishers from the coast and used to fund more profitable luxury hotels in the same spots.
This is why I’m a bit of cynic and why I hate giving to charity if I can’t actually see how money is helping people.
The Oldest Jokes I Know III: Inappropriate Slave Jokes
Sometimes in literature you see a stock character that you might call the Cunning Slave or something. You know, he plays at being a dullard but proves he is not after he outwits his master and has a laugh. Xanthias in Aristophanes’ Frogs is a good example. However, that’s not what these jokes are about. These are a bit darker and play on the awfulness of slavery.
A ship at sea has met a storm so bad that one of the passengers starts to write his will. When he sees how upset his slaves are, he turns to them and says, “don’t cry. In my will, I have set you all free!”
A student dunce begets a child by a slave girl. When his father advises him to kill the child, he responds, “bury your own children first, then you can tell me what to do with mine!”
A student dunce is going to the city. His friend says, “do me a favour and buy me a couple of fifteen-year-old slaves while you’re there.” “Not a problem,” says the student dunce, “but if I cannot find two fifteen-year-olds, I will buy you one thirty-year-old.”
1. A couple of student dunces are complaining to each other that their fathers are still alive. One of them suggests that they strangle their old men. The other one says, “no way! I don’t want people to call us parricides! But if you like, you can kill mine and I will kill yours.”
2. A father catches his son sleeping with his grandmother and gives him a beating. The son says, “All this time you’ve been sleeping with my mother and I never said a word! But now you’re angry that you’ve caught me with your mother just this one time?”
3. A student dunce has the bad habit of estimating the cost of other people’s clothes. His father hears about this and scolds him. “Father,” he says, “you’ve been listening to slander. And probably not even from a reliable source.” The father responds by naming the accusor. “Him!?” says the son, “You’d believe someone whose suit costs less than fifty drachmae?”
I think I’m going to make these jokes a recurring thing. Thoughts?
1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young Sumerian woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
2. The Idiot asked the eunuch, “how many kids do you have?” The Eunuch says, “I am a eunuch, you idiot. I can’t have kids.” The Idiot says, [fragment missing].
3. A student dunce’s child has died in infancy. After seeing how many people have gathered for the funeral, he keeps saying, “I’m ashamed to be burying such a small child in the presence of such a large crowd.”
4. A man goes to a barber to get his haircut. The barber asks, “how would you like your haircut?” The man says, “Silently.”
Joke one is the oldest joke known to man, dating back to 1900 B.C. Source. It feels like it’s one of those you-had-to-be-there jokes. I’m fairly sure jokes 2, 3 & 4 are from Philolegos, an ancient Greek joke book, but I can’t seem to find a source for them except an old text file in my notepad linking to a 404ed website.
"Oh, it’s a magical place. It’s like inside but there’s no roof, and the light comes from a star that’s burning millions of miles away but is still powerful enough to give sufficient heat for life on the planet. Sometimes it’s windy and sometimes it rains. I really do recommend trying it."
"You dick I just meant what’s the weather like, I’ve been outside before."
Is this hate somehow directed @ the NP article on her this morning where she says she loves comics? I hopes so.
Naw, I don’t read the NP. She was on CBC Radio One this morning with Jian Ghomeshi. But yeah, it’s her smug superiority and her wishy-washyness about what constitutes sci-fi and what doesn’t that gets on my nerves.
1. Chew. My favourite comic of recent months. Agent Chew is a cibopath (he can tell where something has been by tasting it) who works for the FDA after America has reinstated prohibition — except this time it’s chickens that are prohibited, not alcohol. Because of the avian flu, and aliens. Chew has probably the craziest fictional universe I’ve seen in quite a while. It’s hilarious and well worth your time. I’m up to issue 18.
2. Orc Stain. An Orc named One Eye lives in a weird Orc-world where objects have a Flintstones-like animacy. Someone said the art looks like a bleeding heart and I’m inclined to agree. The last time I saw this many colours was the first time I tried shrooms. Kind of a lot of penises in the book, though. You can read the first issue here.
3. Who is Jake Ellis? Sort of a Bourne-like spy tale about a guy who has a sci-fi ghost that only he can see who gets him out of jams. It’s totally bitchin’.
4. Nonplayer. About some girl who suddenly becomes a star in an alternate reality World-of-Warcraft matrix world. The art is really good, but there’s only one issue out so far.
5. Allnighter. This isn’t really my thing but it is kind of interesting. Teenage delinquent girls hang out at an all night diner and scheme on things like stealing coins and doing break and enters. Then their new friend gets kidnapped. The first issue is free online, and you can read it at Comics Alliance.
So I’m carving a pumpkin and I don’t want it to be the shitty triangle eyes, opposite triangle nose and vaguely-circular hole I carve every year. I need your help. Do you guys have any tips or ideas that will make for carving a better pumpkin?
That one conversation between Skinny Pete and Badger about Zombies was better than the entirety of The Walking Dead premiere.
Seriously how is it that a show about cooking meth in an RV can be so compelling while the show about surivors fleeing the zombie apocalypse is only occasionaly interesting? I hope half the cast gets eaten next week. Especially bald-headed trauma mom and the black dude. They need to get eaten bad.
Me: It’s a zombie… They’re sort of a plot device monster that lets the heroes kill tons of people without feeling remorse or anything.
Dad: But just that one woman doesn’t look like a threat.
Me: One by itself is never a problem, but watch they’re about to reveal more… See?
Dad: So what are they?
Me: They’re just dead people that start walking around trying to eat people. Sometimes if you get bitten or die, you turn into one.
Dad: They’re not very fast.
Me: Yeah these ones are pretty slow. Sometimes there are fast ones. They’re usually incredibly stupid, but not always. There’s not a lot of logic to them… Sort of like on a lifeboat, with women and children first.
Brother: You drank the last of the cream soda? That’s my favourite.
Me: Yeah it’s my favourite too that’s why I drank it all.
Brother: I like it more than Doctor Pepper. More than orange pop, even. And Orange Pop is awesome.
Me: My only misgiving about cream soda is its colour.
Brother: What do you mean?
Me: Well, one time I was drinking some and someone said, “Adam why are you drinking pink pop?”
Brother: What did you say?
Me: I said, “Fuck you it’s red.”
Brother: Hahaha you actually said that?
Me: Yeah. No one implies I drink pink pop. Besides, it is red.
Brother: Who accused you of drinking pink pop?
Me: It doesn’t matter. It just matters that you could tell she was implying something by saying I drink pink pop. Which I don’t. It’s red.
Brother: Yeah, don’t let anyone spread innuendos about you and the colour pink.
Me: Exactly. Actually, I’m a little surprised you know the word innuendo.
Brother: Innuendo. Innuendos. It sounds like wendo. Blind wendo. Blind Wendy Schwendo. Innu-endoo.
Me: Blind Wendy. Sounds like a cruel nickname from high school.
Brother: Because she’s promiscuous?
Me: I guess so. I didn’t really think it out. Also, surprised you know that word.
Brother: One time I when I was working at the grocery store everything was plugged because the meat guys kept trying to flush old deli meats down the toilet. We were all standing around the sump pump and it was gross as shit. I’ve never smelled anything so bad in my life. It smelled like a thousand corpses and a hundred farts.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Brother: The janitor smelled it and he said it smelled like his first girlfriend.
I’m reading all of your Tumblrs and for the life of me, unless you state “I’m with the Wall Street protestors” or “I’m against ‘em” I’m having trouble figuring out where most of you stand. I’m just glad Canada’s banking system isn’t a huge fuck up. Anyways, here’s some pictures from Comics Alliance that made me LOL.
I wish saboteur was an actual profession outside of Nazi Occupied France. I feel like I would be really good at it, whether small scale (‘accidentally’ spilling juice all over your workmates or office or whatever) or large (derailing trains).
hoodratbusiness answered: Slutty abortion, slutty lakeside cottage, slutty slut (naked)
poopsadaisy answered: i’m gonna be bruce mitchell from swamp people. it’s gonna be so slutty.
Lake cottage is a sexier version of lighthouse, so I think mine wins because it is more ridiculous and not at all sexy. Slutty slut is kind of lazy. But slutty abortion is pretty amazing and I keep picturing the abortion monster from Dethklok wearing a dress.
I had to look up Bruce Mitchell but that is also amazing. Other amazing slutty Bruce Mitchells would be:
So I wake up and there’s a pain in my stomach. While I’m in the shower I have an out-of-character thought, “what if I’ve got, like, Steve Jobs’ Black Pancreas Death Cancer or something? I could die today!”
All day it’s all I could think about, even though the pain disappeared. At first I was worried, but after a while I started to accept the idea that death comes to us all. They say there’s five stages of grief, but I didn’t experience any of that bullshit. I mean, the world is bleak and meaningless so why should I be afraid of it ending? To paraphrase one of my favourite authors, “if dying was such a big deal, they wouldn’t let everyone do it.”
Phone Call: hey Adam, what’s up? Me: oh, not much. I think I might have cancer. PC: what!? Me: it kind of blows but it’s nothing to get worked up about. We all shit the bed sooner or later. So to speak.
That night I got into bed and the pain returned. "Well, this is it." I thought to myself, wondering if the pain was my pancreas or live or kidney or what (I really suck at anatomy). Anyways, I shifted in bed and realized I was laying on top of a set of house keys.
Long story short, I do not have cancer and will probably last for a little while longer.
More flashbacks (especially if the explain things like how Walt managed to fix the Aztek so fast in season 3, and how he poisoned Brock).
More time with Walter’s family, who were pretty much cut out of this season.
Ditto but with Badger and Skinny Pete.
Walt to become the new meth kingpin, either in a new RV or buying Beneke Fabricator’s as a new meth lab.
Jesse to have scenes with Skylar, Marie, Walt Jr or more with Hank. Seriously. How has the show gone four seasons and the only time Jesse interacted with Walt’s family was that one time Skylar yelled at him and a few times Hank almost caught him? That’s a compliment as much as it is a complaint.
Super meth team composed of Heisenberg, Jesse, Skylar, Saul, Mike, Saul’s goons and maybe Badger and Jesse.
Breaking Bad fans, for sure, will miss Gustavo Fring, but Esposito’s colleagues on set might miss him a tad more. Many of Gus’s scenes were filmed at his fast-food fried-chicken chain, Pollos Hermanos, where Esposito often took over the kitchen to make his mean fried chicken.
“I love the fact that we shoot at a Twisters and I can really get behind the grill and really fry some really good fried chicken,” Esposito said. “And it’s fun because it makes it really authentic and realistic. And when people come by the counter—the crew and whatnot—I see them grabbing a little piece of skin. That means I’ve not only done a good job of acting, I’ve done a good job as one of the world’s best chefs. Ha ha!”
And also also someone on the AV Club boards pointed out that it looked like HT was shredding Brock’s class schedules. God damn.