December 2010
14 posts
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Sorry for the lack of updates. I have a great story a party I went to recently and how I got hit on by a creepy older man who followed me home, but no time to write the story up. Soon.
November 2010
65 posts
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Anonymous asked: Is mackcloud really like how he is online, irl? Or is an e-personality? I hope it is, because jesus fucking christ what an idiot.
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I shaved my beard off on Monday. Every time someone recognizes me, they almost always say “Your beard is gone”, as if informing me that a major part of my face has changed without my knowledge. So I’m trying to come up with the most sarcastic responses I can.
“Your beard is gone!”
“Oh shit, I just had it a second ago.”
“Your beard is gone!”
...
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Cartesian Query
I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the big-boy door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.
How do we know we aren’t in the Retard Matrix? Think about it.
What do you do with your life? Undergrad/Masters/Doctorate/Post-Doc? Maybe you only think you’re pursuing higher level education, but really you’re in a nursery school making...
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Propeller, Garrison and... Keith's
I’m watching the plebes get up in arms because our provincial beer of choice - Alexander Keith’s - has announced that they’re moving (some) production out of province. They’re all getting stupid and talking about boycotting Keith’s because it’s not really a “Nova Scotian” beer anymore.
Here’s some news for you dipshits: Keith’s...
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ALL TIME FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS PARADE MOMENT EVER
While standing and watching the Christmas parade.
Alan H: Yeah so I’m talking to an editor from the Chronicle Herald and he says “I don’t like the term ‘sex worker’. It’s too euphemistic. We should just call them prostitutes.” So I told him, “well by that logic we should just call them all whores, right?” and he just sort of shut up.
Nearby...
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Highlights of the 15th Annual Halifax Parade of...
Me: Man, after all watching all those North Korean propaganda videos I have much higher expectations for these children’s marching bands… and our kids just aren’t living up to them.
Ben: Maybe because these kids haven’t been training since they were four?
Me: Yeah, but I mean North Korea is starving to death and you never see them wearing their uniforms wrong. Every one...
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There’s a cute girl in my apartment building who I occasionally talk to. I run into her when I’m doing laundry or getting rid of the recycling. She is one of those humans who I find it hard to communicate with.
For example, a few days ago I ran into her when I was leaving the building. She was walking in front of me in the hall and held the door open for me. The memory of what...
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“Do you have a resume?”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… not with me.”
“But you do have one.”
“Sure. Probably.”
He just stares at me, expecting something. I already told him I don’t have a resume.
“Like I said, I don’t have one with me. I have this, um, contact card. List of medications and emergency contact information. You…...
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“Come hang out.”
“Sorry, I can’t. [+ reason that smells like bullshit but happens to be true.]”
“Stop playing Call of Duty for 45 minutes of your life and come hang out.”
@!@#%!^$ If I was avoiding human contact to play Call of Duty, you’d know it because I wouldn’t have bothered to respond. As it stands, both I and my COD-afflicted friends...
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THAT’S A LIE.
Also, Jarett prints off pornographic pictures and makes ugly cartoons with them and then he wraps them in sausage meat and calls them cock munchers.
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For the record, it was in the recycle bin because it was being deleted, jackass. The real stuff is in Downloads -> TV Shows -> Other.
And for the record, MackCloud looks at copious amounts of clown porn.
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Truly Terrible
trulyterrible:
New words terms I learned today
bone smuggler
todger dodger
Chocolate Speedway Merchant
This is reblogged from my friend, who is truly terrible. She likes to troll message boards using pseudonyms taken from Sigmund Freud’s case studies or Georges Bataille’s pornographic writings. My favourite is this thread titled “what’s beautiful to you?” and...
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“I vant to suck your blood! It’s twilight time! I’m blood sucking! I’m doing a vampire thing cause chicks are all into vampires and stuff, you know because of the stupid Twilight movie and all that other crap.”
“You are dressed like the phantom of the opera. He is not a vampire.”
“He eats theater people.”
“No, he...
Setting: The McCain building, between classes
Study Buddy: I can’t get Internet in here but if you have, like, a usb stick or something I can give you my notes that way.
Alpha Invictus: Yeah, sure. Here.
Study Buddy: Rough night last night?
Alpha Invictus: How did you — ?
Study Buddy: Well, for one thing your eyes are really bloodshot; And for another, this is a bic lighter,...
Anonymous asked: YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE.
A Tumblr post a day keeps the real world at bay.
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I JUST PLAYED CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS FOR OVER...
YUP. IT’S THE BEST THING EVER AND I’M HORRIBLY ADDICTED TO IT. HAD A MARATHON SESSION WITH JUSTIN AND MARK AND OTHERS DROPPED IN AN OUT. IT DOESN’T OWN MY SOUL, BUT IT HAS A LONG TERM LEASE.
THE BEST THING IS THE BALLISTIC KNIFE. IT’S LIKE IF BATMAN HAD SEX WITH A NINJA AND SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A KNIFE. IT’S AMAZING.
I INGESTED A LOT OF CAFFEINE. IT WAS AMAZING. WHEN...
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Watchsoupnazi:
LETHAL WEAPON 5 (THE MOVIE)
AMAZING.
Anonymous asked: I don't remember any Uma Thurman shit, bruv.
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Things to do when buried alive:
panic attack
listen to iPod
shit yourself
try to Uma Thurman your way out (I mean, she’s just a woman, right? You should be able to do it if she can).
‘avin a wank
worry that you’ll starve to death (even though you just found out the hard way that you’re immortal)
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So some idiot left a piss-message in my apartment...
I can’t read the word(s) written in the elevator, but you can tell they’re definitely attempts at letters of the English alphabet.
Also, in the hallway is the message of some initial (either a B or an M, I can’t make it out) and then a heart that looks like a bum followed by what’s either an A or a V, depending on how you look at it.
You know, there are much better ways...
I'm okay with only having 17 people following me...
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Hey I’ll just take a quick break and play some Tetris while I’m waiting for this to download, then I’ll get back to work.
One hour later:
Jesus, what’s wrong with me?
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Alpha Invictus Ltd: Setting The Industry Standard...
Now buckle down and get to work. No more Tetris. No more Solitaire. No more Internet games. No more Facebook. But you can post this to Tumblr real quick because it is kind of funny. Is it? Better think about that before I post it. Okay. Now get to work. Maybe if I get some sort of beverage to kick start my brain. And a quick Facebook check because you’re expecting a message. Maybe...
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ATTENTION: SMOKERS AND SQUARES
I just wanted to warn you all that I finally have the edge I need to compete with the smokers. I am no longer a dork. I am rebellious. Cool. Aloof. Badass. Dangerous, but not repellently so. Prepare to see the new Cool Adam loitering it up wherever it is those cool smoking people normally loiter. But a warning: my body is approaching dangerously cool temperatures, so put on your winter hats and...
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Stairs and Donairs
So yesterday was pretty productive. Spent all day inside getting stuff done. Felt so productive that I thought Alpha Invictus, why don’t you order yourself a donair? They’re delicious and you won’t spill it all over the floor after taking it out of the oven like you did the other night. And it’ll be quicker than making food, right?
WRONG.
I called up my delivery guys...
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Sometimes I like to pretend whole parts of my life...
Like when I was a lefty in high school and thought Ghandi and Che Guevara were actual heroes and maybe I even voted for the NDP… twice. And I thought Jack Kerouac was the epitome of Western literature.
Jesus. What was I thinking?
But now I’ve repressed those awful memories. I keep them stored and half-forgotten in the dark corners of my brain with other awful memories like back...
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So apparently Harper does have a sense of humour
From Maureen Dowd’s NYT column:
Yet if W.’s decision-making leaves something to be desired, his story-telling is good. He writes of a visit to Russia, when Putin showed him his black Labrador, Koni. “Bigger, stronger, and faster than Barney,” Putin bragged.
Later, when W. recounted this to Stephen Harper, the Canadian prime minister, Harper drolly noted, “You’re lucky he only showed...
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WatchWishing my life was more “But where did the lighter fluid come from?” and less “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
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Just found out radioactive blood =/= superpowers
Usually it just equals cancer.
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This just keeps getting better and better
MackCloud Anonymous Friend: i have been thinking about moving to warm places.
[20:27] AF: like, legit. what is stopping me when I am done school?
[20:27] AF: i would never have to be cold again.
[20:27] Me: i was thinking about moving to the Pyrenees
[20:27] Me: become a shepherd
[20:27] Me: or
[20:28] Me: did i tell you about my French Foreign Legion plan?
[20:28] Me: You could do that...
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Imagine if humans were like pandas
soupnazi:
And we were too lazy to fuck.
“Hey honey, want to come over and hang out for a bit?” “Nah, eating bamboo” “Later maybe?” “Doubtful, this bamboo isn’t going to eat itself”
Fuck, we’d be endangered too.
This is one of the reasons I feel that pandas should be allowed to go extinct. Nature equips us with only two fundamental urges - to reproduce, and to protect ourselves. If they...
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